This is officially my last week of lecture! That is so crazy! I leave in 12 days! I cannot believe how fast time has flown by. Now it’s just basically getting ready to go, mentally, spiritually, and whole-heartedly. Last week was the 11th week of lecture, and the topic was spiritual formation, which was really interesting, and not what I was expecting. We also touched on the topic of when it’s hard to hear God’s voice, or when we are in different “seasons” of our lives, when things aren’t going great, and it seems like we are not spiritually in-sync with God. I had often heard christians say before something along the lines of: “If you can’t feel God, or if God isn’t talking to you, then you’re obviously in sin, there is something wrong with you.” Which always led me to think, really? Is there? What could I possibly be doing wrong? But, I am beginning to understand, that just like the seasons of the year, there are season in our lives that way, where not everything is pretty and great, but when there is stillness and quiet, and maybe even pain.
Learning to look at times like these in our lives in a different way, and realizing that God just sometimes allows us to be in the midst of a quiet for a reason. There will be seasons in our lives where God’s will, or his best, will be painful, yet that does not make it any less worth it, than times of happiness. The same thing can be said when we walk through life in a routinely way. Why do we question things when they are uncomfortable, when really we should be questioning if our lives are maybe too comfortable? Sometimes live gets painful and rough, and honestly what in the bible said that it wouldn’t be? Looking at the life of Jesus himself, it was far from glamorous, marked by pain, betrayal, and the inadequacy from his disciples, which he truly loved, yet chose to deny him. How do we then demand a life of daisies from God, where we don’t even expect to fall, and get our knees scratched, and if we do, watch out, because some of us really rethink our christianity. This life isn’t about us, living it selfishly, but living it to love, and be love.
These are the crucial times in our lives where our captivity will reveal our real heart, where He becomes real, and our christianity isn’t centered by emotion, but by love, true love, not as an emotional momentary feeling, but by an attachment of loyalty, trust, and honest love. Jesus is aching for more friends, and less talkers, less selfish sons, and more trusting disciples, willing to give up their lives, live known by their deeds and scandalous love towards others. The more I seek God the more I realize the little I know about him, and the immense love he has for humanity, all in a beautiful mystery.
“Love to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self. ― Mother Teresa